Archive for the ‘Conflict’ Category

Start talking to your kids about differences. Aside from just observing skin color, even a preschooler can see that some people are big and some others are skinny. That some celebrate Christmas and others celebrate Hanukkah, and that certain kids are smarter than others. And if your local gas station attendant has a thick accent, they will notice that too. Are you talking about these differences with them? Probably not. Parents of white children very seldom discuss race with them. Black parents, though, are far more likely to bring it up. People of color have to prepare their children for uncomfortable moments.

With a child who is 3 or 4, you can explain that people come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. You could even try holding up a green apple and a red apple. Say to them they look different from the outside, but they are both apples on the inside, just like people. Seek out opportunities to demonstrate your respect and appreciation for these contrasts. Your might say something like, “Look at that girl. Aren’t her ponytails pretty?” or “Did you hear that boy speak Spanish to his grandma and then English to his friend? I wish I could speak more than one language.”

If your child asks something that makes you squirm, do your best to respond matter of factly. We tend to try and avoid these questions. But that does not keep our kids from noticing. By explaining to them will teach them to have respect for others. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

ChildrensBooks2U

Different

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This does not mean that no one will ever fight. Conflict and connection go hand in hand. The opposite of connection is not conflict, it is indifference. It also helps to remind kids that they are allies. If you give kids a task to do together, it will reduce the conflict. This works well with my twins, and it will work well for you too. “You guys are fighting a lot over the Legos,” I said to them last summer. ” Do you want to figure out a way to organize them so that they are easier to share?” The kids wrote down some notes, pulled some containers from the recycling bin, and separated building areas. This calling on the conflicted parties to come up with their own solutions is one of my favoeite resolution strategies.

Of course, this is not always going to work with a grubby-footed baby who is staggering joyfully around the tent, getting mud all over her brother’s sleeping bag. Or with the remorseless snatch-and-go toddler who steals every one of the Lincoln Logs that her sister lays down. But even then, you can try taking the big kid aside and saying, “This is so frustrating for you. What do you think we can do about it?” You may be surprised by the way a child will rise to the problem-solving occasion. “Let’s fill the bucket and wash her feet in it!” or “What if I give her a turn with my special farm?” or even, “I do not know. I hate it when she does that.” At the very least, but something has shifted in me. I feel a kind of awareness that there is not another, better life we are traveling toward. There is just this life here, in this car, with these kids whom I love, whose needs are different from mine and just as important. Staying connected is the key. It is where kids get the attitudes, optimisn, zest for life, and resilience that tell the story abut how happy they will be. I can not think of a better story I would rather tell.

Did you read the Story of Abundance. That post ties in greatly with this one. Check it out! Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

ChildrensBooks2U

Conflict