Archive for the ‘Social Development’ Category

If you have had it up to here with your kids constant bickering, we can help you to reach a sibling cease fire.

First, there is the screaming fit over who gets to put the key in the front door lock. Then, there is the shoving over whose turn it is to sit on the window bench. Finally, there is the Disney dance party turned into WWE cage match, which ends with one of the kids shouting, “I didn’t do it!” and the other yelling, “He started it!” and me yelling, “Stop yelling!”

As the thoughts turn in my head, “I have lost control of the asylum.” The kids fight every single day: in the car, in the bathroom, in the grocery store. These 2 little boys who barely a year ago were so close, now feud like the Kardashians. Way too much of our family time is spent negotiating a truce. Yet nothing gets resolved. The next morning, the battle hymn begins and just like that they are off to the front line.

Of course, it is comforting to know we are not the only ones whose kids spar. Studies have found that kids 3-10 usually have arguments several times an hour. Whether you have girls, boys, or a mix does not matter. Most siblings squabble.

While it is true that disagreements can help brothers and sisters hone their social skills such as a negotiation and compromise, there is a downside. Frequently, intensive fighting heightens kids risk of depression and anxiety and can lower their self esteem. Battling siblings are more likely to engage in delinquent behaviors, including drug use as adults.

That puts a new perspective on our latest scuffle of the day (over who owns the Lego T-shirt). It does concern me: I can not deal with another 10 years of being a referee and I do not want them growing up to be bickering, sniping, it is not fair, I hate you siblings.

It is a real possibility, though. The way your kids interact early on tends to stay consistent as they get older. Work with your kids, especially from the ages of 4-8 and help them learn to resolve differences and manage their emotions. The good news is you can change the pattern of fighting among your kids. But you have to be willing to put in the work.

Our next several posts will give you tips on ways you can help manage their behaviors and help them grow and mature. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

ChildrensBooks2U

bickering

Can’t you just get along.

Talk to your child about what they can do if they have a friend who is the one freaking out because they made a bad throw in the baseball game or have forgotten the words to a project they were suppose to recite in front of the class. At times, kids huddle around the kid who is upset and that makes it even worse. Instead, let them know that it is fine and just act normally. Though they could also think of a small gesture that might make their friend happy. They might say something like, “I will save you a seat at lunch.” or “See you on the bus later today.” If a child knows that their friend does not see a mistake as a big deal, they are more likely to give themselves a break too. Have you seen this one on taking the fear out of failure? Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

ChildrensBooks2U

friendship

If you are constantly praising your child’s performance (“You really crushed that ball!”) rather than his effort (“I am impressed by how much you have practiced for your baseball games.”), mistakes will become harder for him to swallow. In a study at Stanford University a landmark research was conducted on kids’ resilience and persistence. One study was a test given to fifth graders that was designed for eighth graders. One of the groups was praised for their effort, while the other group was told how intelligent they are. The kids who got praised for their intelligence were upset about how hard the test was while the group given kudos for their efforts coped and performed better. They had realized how hard they worked mattered and not just focused on the end result. See our other posts on Making Mistakes. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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Gifted

 

Everyone wants their kids to be sort of busy. If you do not keep watch, they end up running around like crazy. That will just cause you to get into a giant gasoline bill and one exhausted family. Quiet time is definitely under rated. This can not be more true than it is in today’s world. Limit the kids to only picking one after school activity. Even then it can seem overwhelming at times. Also, keep play dates limited too. They see their friends all day at school. That is about 30 hours per week of socializing. Now throw in parties, playing with the neighbor kids and kids in your own family. There is tons of time for them to be socializing. Once they see that they can survive without a steady stream of play dates, you will not have to do as many. This will increase the quiet time that you have together. This children’s book shows the many differences in each family, The Family Book. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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Reconnecting

4 Years-Old And Under

  • Their first and last name. The first thing an employee will ask your child when they are lost.
  • Your full name. If they only know you as “Mommy” or “Daddy,” you can not be paged by name.
  • Do not go anywhere with, accept anything from or get into a car with anyone. Never without your permission, PERIOD!

5-7 Years Old

  • Your cell phone number. You can be reunited more quickly if you get separated.
  • A “safe list.” Instead of saying “Do not talk to strangers,” list 3 to 5 people who are always OK for your child to talk to.

8 Years Old and Up

  • An easy to find meeting place. The more specific the location, the better if you do get separated.
  • A buddy or a sibling to come along to places like a restroom that your child is starting to visit independently. There is more safety in numbers.
  • To beware of grown ups asking for help and to never approach a car. Tell your child to yell loudly if anyone tries to make them go somewhere.

Check out this children’s book, Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention.

Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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Teach

We all know that you are extremely busy, but they will appreciate you for making these small simple gestures.

  1. Wear the macaroni necklace to work. At least until you are safely out the door.
  2. Tape a family slogan to the refrigerator door and use it whenever your child feels discouraged. Like Unstoppable or We can, We will!
  3. Go for a walk with just one child.
  4. Slip a note or a piece of chocolate into their lunchbox.
  5. Build your own Minecraft world right next to theirs.
  6. Say “Yes” to something that is usually off limits. Like sitting on the counter or eating popcorn in the living room.
  7. Show as much excitement at the amusement park as they do.
  8. If you argue in front of your child, make sure they also see you makeup.
  9. When their room looks like a tornado swept through it, close the door and get on with your day.
  10. Use Skype or Facetime with the grandparents once in a while.
  11. If your child has given their best efforts and is still miserable and truly wants to quit the team, give them your blessing.
  12. Let your little one stomp in a puddle once in a while.
  13. Get out some glitter glue and make a birthday card for your child.
  14. Take in a pet that needs a good home and a child’s love.
  15. Let your toddler fight their own battles on the playground before you intervene.

ChildrensBooks2U

Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your friends. Remember to always praise your child.

SINGLE-PARENT-DAY

When your outgoing tweener turns inward

If your excitable kid has suddenly changed into a shy tween, do not freak out. This type of personality change is common for this age group and will usually pass. In the meantime, you can take steps to help your child find their voice and confidence again.

The toning down you now see is often self imposed, adopted as a protection against the hurtful tactics of classmates and your child’s own self-doubt. The tween years can be difficult as children begin to notice and judge themselves and others on matters such as school success, looks, possessions and athletic ability. Coping at the same time with changing expectations and uncertainties about friendship, some tweens follow the “safe” option and hold back, becoming more risk averse to try to avoid making a mistake that could lead to teasing.

The best way to help you tween return to full power is to rebuild their confidence and self belief. At home, encourage them to join in and express their views during family conversations. Listen respectfully so they can speak up confidently and comfortably.

3 Tips to help your child

  • Make New Friends. Try a club with kids from outside their school. They will be more likely to let loose around people they do not see every day, as there is less at stake if they make a mistake.
  • Boost Confidence. Praise your child for their good ideas and actions to help them feel good.
  • Personalize It. Share a story about a time you have felt shy and how you dealt with it.

Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your friends. Remember to always praise your child.

Shy

Shy Kid