Archive for the ‘Tantrums’ Category

Charging into a battle zone and yelling, “Stop it right now!” might shock your kids into silence, but it will not prevent them from resuming their confrontation as soon as you leave the room. I know, I have done it myself on more than one occasion. Sure, it is hard to listen to your kids fight and difficult to manage your anger. Both at them and at yourself for not being able to keep the peace. Now consider counting to ten before you storm the room. I stop and look at the pictures hanging in the hallway. My serenity restoring trick is a sign I wrote on a piece of notebook paper and taped it to the refrigerator. It says, “Five deep breaths.” Every time I look at it, I follow these directions. It really is a big help. See tips on staying out of it. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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If you have had it up to here with your kids constant bickering, we can help you to reach a sibling cease fire.

First, there is the screaming fit over who gets to put the key in the front door lock. Then, there is the shoving over whose turn it is to sit on the window bench. Finally, there is the Disney dance party turned into WWE cage match, which ends with one of the kids shouting, “I didn’t do it!” and the other yelling, “He started it!” and me yelling, “Stop yelling!”

As the thoughts turn in my head, “I have lost control of the asylum.” The kids fight every single day: in the car, in the bathroom, in the grocery store. These 2 little boys who barely a year ago were so close, now feud like the Kardashians. Way too much of our family time is spent negotiating a truce. Yet nothing gets resolved. The next morning, the battle hymn begins and just like that they are off to the front line.

Of course, it is comforting to know we are not the only ones whose kids spar. Studies have found that kids 3-10 usually have arguments several times an hour. Whether you have girls, boys, or a mix does not matter. Most siblings squabble.

While it is true that disagreements can help brothers and sisters hone their social skills such as a negotiation and compromise, there is a downside. Frequently, intensive fighting heightens kids risk of depression and anxiety and can lower their self esteem. Battling siblings are more likely to engage in delinquent behaviors, including drug use as adults.

That puts a new perspective on our latest scuffle of the day (over who owns the Lego T-shirt). It does concern me: I can not deal with another 10 years of being a referee and I do not want them growing up to be bickering, sniping, it is not fair, I hate you siblings.

It is a real possibility, though. The way your kids interact early on tends to stay consistent as they get older. Work with your kids, especially from the ages of 4-8 and help them learn to resolve differences and manage their emotions. The good news is you can change the pattern of fighting among your kids. But you have to be willing to put in the work.

Our next several posts will give you tips on ways you can help manage their behaviors and help them grow and mature. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your family and friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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bickering

Can’t you just get along.

It is good to stay away from the ruts sometimes and look at things in a new refreshed light. Recently, we headed up to Wisconsin for a weekend stay at the Wisconsin Dells complete with lots of exciting things for the kids to do. As we walked around exploring new places, whether it is near or far away, it is a great way to see your family differently. You haven’t lived until you see your kid wipe out while playing and then laugh hysterically when you expect a full on tantrum.

I do not know a lot of things, but this I do know: If it were not for the bonds we formed when traveling away from home, interrupting our overly comfortable lives, I wouldn’t have these amazing kids who still tug at my arm at night, asking for another chapter of Harry Potter. (Yes they still do this.) With that I am off to snuggle and read. I hope you get to do the same. Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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Reconnecting

 

 

You only asked her to turn off the computer. Now your kid is a giant mess. Here is what is really going on during this time of total meltdown.

Her face changes: Be on the lookout for her expression to change into a frown. This will signal an emotional change. Catch the signs and ask her what is wrong. You may be able to avoid a huge outburst.

Emotions can overload the brain: Your child’s anger triggers the left side of the brain and despair activates the right side. With the entire brain all lit up, she can not process any information. You just need to stay silent. Talking will just prolong the outburst.

Now the fight or flight kicks in: Stress is flooding your child’s system. Raising the blood pressure and a racing pulse. Deep breaths cause relaxation. Catch your child’s eye and try some. She may copy after you.

Distress comes in different phases: During a fit, emotions follow a pattern. First is rage, next is sadness possibly in the form of tears.

As the fury fizzles: When your child begins whining or collapsing it is a sign that the storm is ending. Go give your child a quick hug when this happens. Later, you can think of ways to avoid these strong reactions. For instance, a 5 minute warning before the computer is to be shut off. It is simple, but powerful.

Leave us your comments. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Let us know what other topics you would like to have discussed. Share this post with your friends. Remember to always praise your child.

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Tantrum